A Belated Goodbye

I had to write a poem in this specific form (called a Villanelle) for my poetry class this week. So this is me cheating the system again and posting something that I had created previously =P
Enjoy =)


A Belated Goodbye

Green swung by in spice scented air
My seat jostled by unpaved street
And so passed by my paradise fair

Rocks lay like flattened stair
I slipped while tasting melon sweet
Green swung by in spice scented air

Animals stray free without a care
Faces came bounding to greet
And so passed by my paradise fair

Hopeless shacks stood everywhere
Small children longing to meet
Green swung by in spice scented air

Then me from my island, time did tear
Weeks escaped like minutes, fleet
And so passed by my paradise fair

Music and tears and smiles to wear
Farewell to infinite summer heat
Green swung by in spice scented air
And so passed by my paradise fair

Sleepy.

I know, I know. It's been a while. A while since I actually wrote anything anyhow, not just copy and pasting =P

I've been working a different shift at work, 5:30am - 1:30pm
Which puts me in bed by 10 at the absolute latest.

So, add that together with homework and all other life occurrences, blogging gets shoved to the back burner. But I think it's cozy back there, so it shouldn't be too detrimental to our relationship ;P

Anyhow, I am mostly very tired all the time. I get even more jumpy than normal when I am tired. I hit the guy I work with the other day because he scared me. It was a reflex, and everyone knows we can't be blamed for our reflexes...right?


Anyhow, work is very busy, not just because it is longer but because almost everyone is taking on a new shift so no one really knows what they are doing. It is very busy.

Aaaaannnd now my dear friend is here and I must squeeze her before I go to sleep.

<3

A poem, a poem

This last Christmas

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart"....I actually strongly dislike that song, so let's just pretend that never happened, shall we"
"But Netti, you have a backspace key, just press it" It's called dramatic effect. I have a hard time editing what I say, why change what I write? =P
Moving right along.

This last Christmas, I gave my parents a book - or a compilation rather- of several pieces I have written. I'd like to share one of those with you tonight. It is a poem I wrote that I like to read from time to time because it helps me to keep my focus where it should be. Anyhow, enjoy =)

Purpose:

A poem by Netti Miller, 11/1/10.

Purpose. Drive. Ambition. Destiny.

Refresh.

Repeat.

There are some things that I hate to feel. Some emotions I fight against with walls and knives of steel.

I asked once, “Hey boy, what’s that mark on your arm? And that one and that one?” He says, Rugby, Rugby,” He says, “girl I was aimless. I was nothing but aimless.”

And my heart jumps and skips and waits for reassurance. Am I in the right place, am I in the right time?

“Hey girl, what’s that slice in your hand?” She says, “Well there was this party…” [cue long and involved story] Do you think I can’t tell when you lie?

Purpose. Drive. Ambition. Destiny.

Refresh.

Repeat.

I hate to feel aimless, I hate to feel lost. I hate to feel like there’s nothing left. Like there’s no worthy cause.

Press on, push on, fight on.

Fight for reasons, fight for sense, fight for-

Purpose. Drive. Ambition. Destiny.

Refresh.

Repeat.

<3

Smorgasbord

This blog is going to be a smorgasbord [as the title suggests]. First things first, this is blog #10! Woop woop!

"I'd like to thank all of my fans who make this possible..." I mean....
But seriously, thank you for reading. And to those of you that have hacked your way through all 10 [well, if you finish this one it'll be 10], kudos! And a special thank you to you.

So, here's to another 10. Aaaaand that's about all I have to say on that.

Second item on the agenda - The Demon Turkeys of Turnage
literally, there is a flock of turkeys that live in my neighborhood. Note the word "neighborhood" I live in one. Not out in the boondocks on a farm [despite how much I would prefer that]. They showed up one day and they were almost cute when they were teeny, but now they are not teeny. Then in the 'teenage' stage, they were kind of fascinating because when they ran they actually looked like feathered raptors. So that was fun. Now, however, there are like 6 of them, and they are sneaky and mean and block traffic.

They usually move, but there is the occasional time when no amount of horn beeping or light flashing will convince them that their home is not int he middle of the street. And then I am late to work - this is not a good thing.

I was all for the using of this seemingly divine gift, can anyone say free turkey? I can.
I don't see why we can't munch on the tasty 'little' [I haven't actually stood next to them, but they look like they'd reach about to my hip. I'll grant that my hip is not very high off the ground, but still - that is one intimidating bird] creatures.

Side note: I don't really care for birds. As in they scare me. I can appreciate their beauty and be jealous of their wings, but I would really prefer if they stayed very far away from me.

Third- I am so grateful for the girls in my small group. I love them, and my lovely leaders <3

Fourth- I am super stoked to start a new Bible study tomorrow =D <--------See that face? That is my stoked face.

Fifth- I am also super stoked to start the marriage class the end of this month [No, I am not getting married - a fiance, or boyfriend, or even mail order groom, is kind of necessary for that endeavor. I just think it's good to make an effort to glean as much wisdom as I can from others, and I think it will be good to have some insight into a marriage relationship.]

Sixth- I almost just did a face plant into my keyboard, this must mean it is bed time. Good night <3

Heart is Not Enough

So I got to thinking today. I don't know where it came from, probably just a part of my pondering on what I want my life to add up to.

Anyhow, I was thinking about inspirational people like Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr., and William Wallace.

Side note- I love William Wallace a lot, a whole lot.

William Wallace especially, because I love him a lot, a whole lot [as seen above]. The whole story inspires me to no end. So I was thinking about similarities between these people and others like them, and what I came up with is that they didn't have a whole lot of support [comparatively speaking]. Whatever cause these people fought for was outnumbered by whatever/whoever they were fighting against.

I am going to mostly use my Scottish friend here because it is a great story, and a war analogy works well with what I am trying to say.

Take Mr. Wallace for example, he and his army were hugely outnumbered, and yet they won. So some might some to the conclusion that numbers aren't the deciding factor, heart is.

I agreed with myself as I thought that this morning, and then my little shoulder helpers [I can''t decide on the whole shoulder angel and devil thing - to me there just happens to be two miniature Netti's that like to argue with each other] popped up and started having a chat.

Numbers matter - a lot. Especially in war, sheer numbers can be the difference between victory and defeat, life or death. Now you might say that numbers can be beat by the determination of an army that believes wholeheartedly in what they are battling for, and that could be true.

But I don't think it's enough.

I know this might sound a bit pessimistic, but hear [err, read] me out before you start launching rotten veggies at the screen [but if you find you cannot restrain yourself, then please, any vegetable other than tomatoes. I hate tomatoes.].

Think about it, William Wallace may have been fighting for a worthy cause that he believed in, and the English may have just been fighting by order of their King, but those English were also fighting for their lives. I don't know about you, but if I was fighting for my life, I would put up quite the fight. My whole heart would be in that fight because to me, my life is a worthy cause.

Heart is not enough to win. Heart cannot lead you into victory. Heart, even when added to numbers, cannot beat a force that is fighting for something else all together.

Wait, read it again. Heart even with numbers is not enough.

"But Netti, you said numbers can beat heart, and sometimes heart can beat numbers, so the two together should be pretty unstoppable" said shoulder helper #1.

So why then was William Wallace [well, technically not him, but 'his' army] able to defeat the English? And why did the English lose, even with superior numbers and fighting with all their hearts for their very lives?

Because Wallace did not fight for himself.

Wallace fought for a greater cause - he was looking outside of himself and fighting for the liberation of the people and land that he loved. And I believe his men got swept up in his passion and in his dreams to the point where they shared in his selflessness.

So imagine a whole army of Scotts fighting together for something greater than any one of them, against a massive army of people fighting by order and out of fear.

Is it any wonder they won in the end?

Had Wallace merely been battling for land rights the way the English King was, he would have lost. Because heart is not enough.

This translates into our lives today.What am I fighting for? What am I living for? It had better be something beyond myself otherwise I believe I will end up sorely disappointed and very unfulfilled when I am drawing my last breaths.

Because heart is not enough.

I must strive to fight for something greater than myself, and I believe that that thing is the Kingdom of God. God is the only thing that is big enough to fulfill my very human self. He is my Sovereign King, and fighting under His will for His throne is not only an honor, but it is what will save my life.
And when I die to myself I come alive in Him and that is the most alive a person can get. When we live outside of ourselves, fighting for the greater good and the High King, He breaths His own life into us; jolting our beings into greater and more stunning things we could ever have begun to dream up inside our human brains.

Heart is not enough.

Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.

1-1-11

Well, today marks the beginning of a new year. This last year has seemed so very long and involved to me. It feels like 2010 stretched over a three year span and I am now emerging from it gasping for breath.

Not that this year has been traumatizing, not even a 'hard' year. I can think of worse I've had and I can think of other people who's entire lives have been harder than my toughest years.

I don't want it to sound like I am complaining, I am merely reflecting.

2010 was full of laughter, love and growth.
But it was also full to the brim of drama and immaturity. That is what the toughest parts were, all of the emotional distress I had to watch people I love endure, and endure it with them. That is something I feel very acutely. I have been told I don't come off as a very emotional person, and up until now I would have agreed with that.
I feel emotions very strongly, even if they're not my own, I have an overactive empathy gland or something.

I think the difference between me and some other people who are labeled as 'emotional' is that I don't generally act on my emotions. I think that because I am so used to being bombarded by not only my own emotions, but the emotions of the people around me, I have learned to wait until the tidal wave settles to take action. I can usually sort through everything pretty quickly and make a logical decision, but sometimes I have to wait, and sometimes I miss it altogether.

A man I love and respect immensely [Bruce Stefanik] has said before that many of today's people seem to be addicted to emotions "I don't feel happy, so I can't be happy" "I don't feel like I love you right at this moment, so it must be time to quit the relationship" That kind of thing. I think I have the opposite problem.

That was a tangent - my bad.

2010 did hold some good things though, I learned some more qualities that I value in people. I love honesty, and purity and I love people who can look outside of themselves. I love people that DO something when they want a change, as opposed to just talking [whining] about it. I really value hard workers, it is fair to NO ONE if someone is slacking.
I like change, and people who fight for change that will benefit the greater good.
I love justice, and people who are justice oriented really amaze me. That is something that is so close to my heart.

This year has also brought me out of myself even more. I think I have a goal to aim towards now!

Aside from this year, it is really the people in my life that have shown me where I want to go, who I want to be, what I want to become.

-God, first and foremost. He is the reason I have breath, the reason I have true life.

-My parents. They are incredible and never give up on people. I swear they're super human - I can only pray that it's genetic and I will one day be just a shred of how amazing they are.

-Friends, who have shown me qualities that I value, that I want to put into practice.

-There have also been people that have helped me see things that I don't want. Things I don't want to experience, traits I don't want to have, people I don't want to become. They deserve a 'Thank You' as well.

All in all 2010 was a heavily bittersweet kind of year. But I am looking forward to 2011 and all of the knowledge and wisdom I plan on acquiring. I am excited for growth and new friends, I am excited for growth and old friends. I am ready for change, I am ready to wade through stagnant waters.

I have never written New Year's Resolutions, which is a lucky thing for you readers. Because if I did, They'd be added onto the end of this blog, making it even longer =P As it is, I resolve to work hard and to make this the second to last sentence.

Thanks for reading, Happy New Year!