1Corinthians 13:4- 7 "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
[Found here]
I think there's a reason that patient comes first in the list of what love is. Things that we have to wait for gain value over time as we abstain from just grabbing it. Or maybe it's simply out of our reach for a while, and that is what gives it value, that we have to wait for it to come down to where we can grab it. Or actually, we are probably more likely waiting until we've chosen to grow enough to be able to reach it.
Love is patient because patience is loving. Obvious, I know. But somehow my generation seems to miss this.
I know so many people who just are all the sudden in a relationship. Like, BoomIt'sOnFacebookWeLoveEachOther kind of quick. Even if you've been friends for a bit, like you didn't meet on a first date, that doesn't mean you actually know the person.
To me, it just makes immeasurable sense to be good [or best, or close, or whatever term you prefer] friends with the other person for a much longer time that what appears to be the norm these days. Like a year at least.If I'm interested in someone, I want to know them. I want to know that I can trust them, based on their track record, and based on their actions. I want to have actually seen that their personality, that their good qualities, are who they really are. If I can't trust a man as a friend, then I sure can't trust him with my heart.
Logical, right?
I think so.
And I know, I know. There are people who haven't done it that way and have been together for 50+ years. I get it, the way that makes sense to me is not the only way to go. I'm aware. But I've also never heard of a couple who got together super quick that didn't have to really struggle through things for a while. Obviously all couples have struggles, but the pattern seems to be that when it's a more quickly formed romantic relationship, the struggles are much more difficult, and generally more deadly to the relationship.
Why enter into that pain knowingly? If I knew the guy as my friend for some time before hand, it follows that I would be better prepared for how to work within a relationship with him, and he with me.
Again, not saying that other ways are wrong necessarily, but I do think that it generally makes less sense.
I want the man I marry to already be a part of my social circles, to already be loved by my family by the time we're ready to love each other.
Maybe that's a little unrealistic, but I really don't think it's crazy to want something like that. It worked for my parents after all =P
Not to say that you don't like each other, I definitely understand how emotions and attraction work =P
But to wait for each other, until it's healthy to be together, I think that's so beautiful.
We live in a culture that is obsessed with instant gratification, and I love that the heart can be shielded from that. I love that if my heart is really loved, then a man will wait for it to be ready, will wait for God's timing in it. And that I can do the same for him.
This is getting kinda mushy, and I'm actually a little uncomfortable with it. Ha. =P
Anyhow, Love is patient. Boom. <3
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Chase
The Chase
I heard your soul in my melody, I heard it echo mine.
I saw your eyes in the waters deep, I saw them in the sun.
I caught a glimpse of your heart in the whispers on the wind.
I felt you in the ocean, like a distant one armed hug.
I have seen you around corners and in quiet spaces
I have leaped from high places to try to catch your fleeting smile.
I have chased and hunted and sought for you.
I wanted nothing but to find you.
I hung my head in deep despair, I covered my face with failed hands.
I cried for my loss, for my failing the search.
I cried for my lonely heart, for my purpose.
I felt you when I fell on surrendered knees. I felt you in the air around me.
I heard you in the desperation, I heard you through the sadness.
I saw you in my brokenness.
You, who never wanted a game, never wanted a chase.
You, who simply wanted a willing heart, a listening heart.
It was always You, not waiting to be found, but wanting stillness.
The beauty I had hunted and desired was not meant to be owned.
Not meant to be found and controlled on my terms.
The security I looked for in You was not mine to take - Yours to give.
I wanted to be all You are, to be the master, to be the power.
I wanted to have the tenderness, to have the loving heart.
But You are not to be tamed or kept in a cage. You are meant for the wild things.
You are meant for my heart, so like all wild things --
--Afraid and brazen and unsure and ready to run.
But lovely and soft and kind and wholly Yours.
I saw your reflection in my eyes, felt your peace in my heart
The hunt is ended, I found the nothingness with out You
You, who are all that I am.
I heard your soul in my melody, I heard it echo mine.
I saw your eyes in the waters deep, I saw them in the sun.
I caught a glimpse of your heart in the whispers on the wind.
I felt you in the ocean, like a distant one armed hug.
I have seen you around corners and in quiet spaces
I have leaped from high places to try to catch your fleeting smile.
I have chased and hunted and sought for you.
I wanted nothing but to find you.
I hung my head in deep despair, I covered my face with failed hands.
I cried for my loss, for my failing the search.
I cried for my lonely heart, for my purpose.
I felt you when I fell on surrendered knees. I felt you in the air around me.
I heard you in the desperation, I heard you through the sadness.
I saw you in my brokenness.
You, who never wanted a game, never wanted a chase.
You, who simply wanted a willing heart, a listening heart.
It was always You, not waiting to be found, but wanting stillness.
The beauty I had hunted and desired was not meant to be owned.
Not meant to be found and controlled on my terms.
The security I looked for in You was not mine to take - Yours to give.
I wanted to be all You are, to be the master, to be the power.
I wanted to have the tenderness, to have the loving heart.
But You are not to be tamed or kept in a cage. You are meant for the wild things.
You are meant for my heart, so like all wild things --
--Afraid and brazen and unsure and ready to run.
But lovely and soft and kind and wholly Yours.
I saw your reflection in my eyes, felt your peace in my heart
The hunt is ended, I found the nothingness with out You
You, who are all that I am.
WoMan[Gender Roles]. And a smile [=)]
So, this whole gender role topic keeps popping up...Maybe it's just in the air - maybe it's something bigger than that. Whatever - it's here and that's all that really matters.
Now, I know we're in the 21st century here and the different genders are supposed to get fair and equal treatment - which I agree with. Men and women are equally gifted, intelligent, and loved. However, the fact remains that there are somethings that women can do that men can't, and vice versa.
This makes one think that for some reason God wanted it that way. [Or, even if you chose not to believe in the creator, you've got to at least acknowledge that evolution or whatever else also functioned within this system].
I'm not so much thinking about the roles of men and women in society, like in politics or whatever else. That kind of thing I think it should pretty much be free reign there. Whatever person is best for the job, regardless of gender, they should get it.
Moving along, I'm more interested in the male/female roles within a relationship and within a family dynamic.
I think to even start this concept, we need to define what a man and woman are. Because at some point we stop being children, age into youth/young adults, then at 18 - a legal adult, then 20somethings, and then magically into grown and responsible men and women? No, there's got to be some turning point.
I think how I've begun to describe a man is a guy who is after the heart of God. I mean, yes, age does have something to do with it. But not so much as making the decision to live for something greater and beyond yourself. To live for the good of others. And I guess that's how to describe a woman then too.
I think it's kind of a serious title. To be a MAN - so many guys I know love this. They want to be masculine and they want to be a man. Which is GREAT. For sure - I love it. I love guys who are willing to step up and into the role they were designed to fill. But if said guy just wants to hunt and eat meat and watch explosions, would I call him a man? No, probably not. Because, while all of those things are well and good and seen as depictions of manhood on our culture, they don't change the heart. They don't have substance. Again, its not that any of that stuff is bad - I enjoy...well all of it actually =P But I don't think that doing/liking those things is what defines a man. I think that's what makes a maturing [I say 'ing' because everyone, through our entire lives, has moments of immaturity. we never - hopefully! - stop growing] individual, the pursuit of substance, the pursuit of growth.
Again, pretty much all of this goes for gals too. I mean, I don't know as many ladies that are as obsessed with bacon as many of the male gender, but the concept is the same =P
But girls, I think, need to pursue something more..sweet I guess. Gosh that sounds terrible.
The role of men in a Godly relationship is to be the leader. The protector, the head, the guardian. And women are supposed to be life givers and nurturers. But women have this amazing thing about us that we are also meant to be fighters, we are meant to protect just as much, although in different ways, as men.
Men protect with an offense, women with a defense.
Women nurture, men train. I think. I'm 22, I don't have a lot of answers, I have a lot of observations.
So that's what I mean by women pursuing something sweet. It's not a sissyfied version of what men do. It's a vital difference that allows balance. And same as what men are meant to do - it's not a heartless and cruel version, it's that same balance.
In a relationship, whether it be marriage or dating or whatever, if the man is meant to be the head - the leader - then by default, if that man is not leading well, then the relationship and/or family is going to hit some rough times.
That is a HUGE amount of pressure and responsibility. I am in no way ignorant of that.
But that's where the woman comes in. With her nurturing heart and encouraging words, the women is meant to help the man carry that burden in a team effort.
It's really quite a beautiful system - there's an equal amount of dependence [note: not co-dependence] that each person has to have on the other person for the thing to work.
Then there's the whole issue of when the man or woman doesn't fill the roll they were meant to - if the man stops leading, if the woman stops nurturing. That leaves a hole to be filled, and someone who is not meant to fill it, stepping into it anyhow.
Which, as you can imagine, leads to all kinds of discontent and bitterness and anger.
I think that becoming a man is more important to guys than becoming a woman is for girls.
Maybe not more important, but more difficult.
It seems like girls just kind of ease into womanhood as we age.
Guys aren't as lucky - they need someone to show them, to guide them. Which is what fathers are for, but we have a generation of guys that have been raised by absent men. And when there's absent men, there's struggling women and children. [Not to knock single parents at ALL - that is a battle I hope I never face. They are some incredible people].
The man is a vital role, there's no beating around it. The woman is too, but again, I think it's generally easier for us girls. It's almost like guys need that ceremonial ritual that the ancients used to do. Send male youths out to do something in the wilderness and when they come back they're viewed as men. Which would be kind of nice if our society worked that way - it'd make it easier on these guys for sure. But it doesn't work that way and guys have to work to prove, mostly to themselves, that they are MEN.
It's taken me about a week to actually write this thing, from thinking about it, to writing about half and then letting it sit there for a few days, to tonight when I'm determined to finish it.
I really don't know much about this, I've never tried the theories, these are simply my observations as I've watched single and dating people my age, and couples that have been married for years.
But I've decided in that week that I want to be aware. There's this quote I keep seeing, but I can't find who said it. It says, "I often wonder, if more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentlemen."
Now there's the comeback, "well if more guys were men, less girls would need to fill that role" which is true. But the first statement stands too. If more girls were women, more boys would be men. There's that balance thing again.
So I guess what it boils down to, is if you want a man, BE a woman. If you want a woman, BE a man.
Be that person who is searching for the heart of God, who is pursuing purity and holiness and wants the very best of God's will for the other person. It doesn't mean we never screw it up, because I know at least I will - the rest of you might have this thing down better. It doesn't mean that we guess right every try. But it does mean that we do actually try.
That we strive.
Now, I know we're in the 21st century here and the different genders are supposed to get fair and equal treatment - which I agree with. Men and women are equally gifted, intelligent, and loved. However, the fact remains that there are somethings that women can do that men can't, and vice versa.
This makes one think that for some reason God wanted it that way. [Or, even if you chose not to believe in the creator, you've got to at least acknowledge that evolution or whatever else also functioned within this system].
I'm not so much thinking about the roles of men and women in society, like in politics or whatever else. That kind of thing I think it should pretty much be free reign there. Whatever person is best for the job, regardless of gender, they should get it.
Moving along, I'm more interested in the male/female roles within a relationship and within a family dynamic.
I think to even start this concept, we need to define what a man and woman are. Because at some point we stop being children, age into youth/young adults, then at 18 - a legal adult, then 20somethings, and then magically into grown and responsible men and women? No, there's got to be some turning point.
I think how I've begun to describe a man is a guy who is after the heart of God. I mean, yes, age does have something to do with it. But not so much as making the decision to live for something greater and beyond yourself. To live for the good of others. And I guess that's how to describe a woman then too.
I think it's kind of a serious title. To be a MAN - so many guys I know love this. They want to be masculine and they want to be a man. Which is GREAT. For sure - I love it. I love guys who are willing to step up and into the role they were designed to fill. But if said guy just wants to hunt and eat meat and watch explosions, would I call him a man? No, probably not. Because, while all of those things are well and good and seen as depictions of manhood on our culture, they don't change the heart. They don't have substance. Again, its not that any of that stuff is bad - I enjoy...well all of it actually =P But I don't think that doing/liking those things is what defines a man. I think that's what makes a maturing [I say 'ing' because everyone, through our entire lives, has moments of immaturity. we never - hopefully! - stop growing] individual, the pursuit of substance, the pursuit of growth.
Again, pretty much all of this goes for gals too. I mean, I don't know as many ladies that are as obsessed with bacon as many of the male gender, but the concept is the same =P
But girls, I think, need to pursue something more..sweet I guess. Gosh that sounds terrible.
The role of men in a Godly relationship is to be the leader. The protector, the head, the guardian. And women are supposed to be life givers and nurturers. But women have this amazing thing about us that we are also meant to be fighters, we are meant to protect just as much, although in different ways, as men.
Men protect with an offense, women with a defense.
Women nurture, men train. I think. I'm 22, I don't have a lot of answers, I have a lot of observations.
So that's what I mean by women pursuing something sweet. It's not a sissyfied version of what men do. It's a vital difference that allows balance. And same as what men are meant to do - it's not a heartless and cruel version, it's that same balance.
In a relationship, whether it be marriage or dating or whatever, if the man is meant to be the head - the leader - then by default, if that man is not leading well, then the relationship and/or family is going to hit some rough times.
That is a HUGE amount of pressure and responsibility. I am in no way ignorant of that.
But that's where the woman comes in. With her nurturing heart and encouraging words, the women is meant to help the man carry that burden in a team effort.
It's really quite a beautiful system - there's an equal amount of dependence [note: not co-dependence] that each person has to have on the other person for the thing to work.
Then there's the whole issue of when the man or woman doesn't fill the roll they were meant to - if the man stops leading, if the woman stops nurturing. That leaves a hole to be filled, and someone who is not meant to fill it, stepping into it anyhow.
Which, as you can imagine, leads to all kinds of discontent and bitterness and anger.
I think that becoming a man is more important to guys than becoming a woman is for girls.
Maybe not more important, but more difficult.
It seems like girls just kind of ease into womanhood as we age.
Guys aren't as lucky - they need someone to show them, to guide them. Which is what fathers are for, but we have a generation of guys that have been raised by absent men. And when there's absent men, there's struggling women and children. [Not to knock single parents at ALL - that is a battle I hope I never face. They are some incredible people].
The man is a vital role, there's no beating around it. The woman is too, but again, I think it's generally easier for us girls. It's almost like guys need that ceremonial ritual that the ancients used to do. Send male youths out to do something in the wilderness and when they come back they're viewed as men. Which would be kind of nice if our society worked that way - it'd make it easier on these guys for sure. But it doesn't work that way and guys have to work to prove, mostly to themselves, that they are MEN.
It's taken me about a week to actually write this thing, from thinking about it, to writing about half and then letting it sit there for a few days, to tonight when I'm determined to finish it.
I really don't know much about this, I've never tried the theories, these are simply my observations as I've watched single and dating people my age, and couples that have been married for years.
But I've decided in that week that I want to be aware. There's this quote I keep seeing, but I can't find who said it. It says, "I often wonder, if more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentlemen."
Now there's the comeback, "well if more guys were men, less girls would need to fill that role" which is true. But the first statement stands too. If more girls were women, more boys would be men. There's that balance thing again.
So I guess what it boils down to, is if you want a man, BE a woman. If you want a woman, BE a man.
Be that person who is searching for the heart of God, who is pursuing purity and holiness and wants the very best of God's will for the other person. It doesn't mean we never screw it up, because I know at least I will - the rest of you might have this thing down better. It doesn't mean that we guess right every try. But it does mean that we do actually try.
That we strive.
Monday, January 2, 2012
LIttle blip on royalty.
I've got this thing for royalty.
Especially ancient, like medieval, royalty. Specifically Celtic.
I love the idea of a whole country of kings, and then the High King. The Aird Rhy.
It's kind of like the Kingdom of God that way, maybe that's why I like it so much.
But I'm intrigued by honorable Royals. When there is so much power at the tips of one's finger, and they choose to do good, to put the lives of others ahead of their own, that's just incredible to me.
I identify with royalty, not because I feel superior in any way, but because I get that sense of purpose. I get the feeling of being designed for more than average life. I get the call for responsibility over frivolity.
I get the idea of being birthed for something greater than my own desires.
When I think about who I am, in the sense of my identity in God, I think "Daughter of the King"
Which in reality is what we all are if we choose to carry our title.
Anyhow, I think daughter of the king - and then I'm reminded that that means royalty. That means responsibility and accountability. That means vulnerability and lack of selfish privacy. It means that no person I encounter is outside of my "duty", outside of my loyalty.
God has given us this task, to hold His standard, to be His flag bearers, to be His foot men and archers. God has given us the task to be warriors and healers and servants. We are a kingdom in the most literal and basic sense, as well as the spiritual. He has commanded us, not like a king who has chosen wrong - who has chosen tyranny, but He commands us like a king concerned for the greater good. Probably because that's what He is =P
I've got a thing for royalty.
I've got a thing for people who recognize it in themselves and use it to honor our King, not for our own selfish gain.
Something to think on.
It seems like the influence each and ever person on this earth has is pretty underestimated. Everyone affects something and someone whether we realize it or not. Combine that with the light of Christ and you've got a pretty undeniable force.
Been rolling around in my noggin, thought I'd share.
<3
Especially ancient, like medieval, royalty. Specifically Celtic.
I love the idea of a whole country of kings, and then the High King. The Aird Rhy.
It's kind of like the Kingdom of God that way, maybe that's why I like it so much.
But I'm intrigued by honorable Royals. When there is so much power at the tips of one's finger, and they choose to do good, to put the lives of others ahead of their own, that's just incredible to me.
I identify with royalty, not because I feel superior in any way, but because I get that sense of purpose. I get the feeling of being designed for more than average life. I get the call for responsibility over frivolity.
I get the idea of being birthed for something greater than my own desires.
When I think about who I am, in the sense of my identity in God, I think "Daughter of the King"
Which in reality is what we all are if we choose to carry our title.
Anyhow, I think daughter of the king - and then I'm reminded that that means royalty. That means responsibility and accountability. That means vulnerability and lack of selfish privacy. It means that no person I encounter is outside of my "duty", outside of my loyalty.
God has given us this task, to hold His standard, to be His flag bearers, to be His foot men and archers. God has given us the task to be warriors and healers and servants. We are a kingdom in the most literal and basic sense, as well as the spiritual. He has commanded us, not like a king who has chosen wrong - who has chosen tyranny, but He commands us like a king concerned for the greater good. Probably because that's what He is =P
I've got a thing for royalty.
I've got a thing for people who recognize it in themselves and use it to honor our King, not for our own selfish gain.
Something to think on.
It seems like the influence each and ever person on this earth has is pretty underestimated. Everyone affects something and someone whether we realize it or not. Combine that with the light of Christ and you've got a pretty undeniable force.
Been rolling around in my noggin, thought I'd share.
<3
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Customary New Year Blog ;)
Happy New Year! =)
Last night I got to ring it in with people I love, which is really an incredible thing. For a lot of people this holiday centers around "who will I kiss when the ball drops?" not to mention a lot of people are too smashed to think about it, but I digress.
For me, I've never really done new year's resolutions. I didn't see the point - still don't actually. If I want to change something I don't need a specific date to spur me into action.
But this year I almost have one =P My auntie has started a family wide Get Healthy campaign....actually its more of a competition. I love to win. So there's my goal for 2012 =P
After a lovely party last night, I came home with a book I've been dying to read [thanks to Calvin for letting us borrow it =D] The Hunger Games kept me awake until 5am. I just woke up like an hour ago. I have some serious anticipation issues. I hate not knowing what happens next. I hate the feeling of being hunted, which takes place in most of the book. I hate it so much I don't even do well with hide and go seek. The anticipation!
So I read the whole thing. I'll probably regret it when I can't sleep tonight and have to go to work, but for now all I can say is, read it!
I thought it was a pretty easy read, but the story is goooooddd. It's original and the characters get at you, you have to love or hate them =P
That being said, here's the cliche reflection on last year:
2011 really sucked for a good portion of it. I encountered the worst drama over some pretty dumb over-reactions, misconceptions, and fear of confrontation/communication, that I have ever been in. But I guess when the heart is involved all sorts of crazy things can happen.
Seriously though, too many people hurt over just a few people's choices that led to no good for what felt like forever. It's getting better now though.
But this helped me to remember that my family really are my best friends. I love them and am incredibly blessed to have been born into it.
I have gotten to form some new friendships that I treasure.
I got stronger, learning how to be weak. Learning how to accept that I can't fix everything, I can't even try sometimes. It's not always my place.
As always, God has shown me things to learn from, to grow from. I am almost always surprised when He does that for some reason. It's like I go, "oh yah, I forgot you were standing there" almost every time. =P
But this year, as painful and frustrating as it has been, has room for redemption, which I love. It is my favorite thing to see something that has been torn to shreds be recreated, be resurrected, and return stronger than ever from surviving so much opposition.
And then there's Natasha.
She came to live with us in June and for some reason stuck around in our crazy family =P
She's been incredible. It's been amazing to watch God work in her life so apparently. I'm proud to call her my sister.
I look forward to 2012, what with the zombie apocalypse and all.
Kidding. But if there ever was one...golly I can't decide if I'd put up a fight or if I'd just die. Who would want to live to remember that anyhow?
But in all seriousness,
I finish my Associates Degree this year
I hopefully get to travel more
I get to be with people I love and who love me
It's not illegal - or not yet - to love my God.
I am a very lucky girl.
Happy New Year beautiful people
<3
Last night I got to ring it in with people I love, which is really an incredible thing. For a lot of people this holiday centers around "who will I kiss when the ball drops?" not to mention a lot of people are too smashed to think about it, but I digress.
For me, I've never really done new year's resolutions. I didn't see the point - still don't actually. If I want to change something I don't need a specific date to spur me into action.
But this year I almost have one =P My auntie has started a family wide Get Healthy campaign....actually its more of a competition. I love to win. So there's my goal for 2012 =P
After a lovely party last night, I came home with a book I've been dying to read [thanks to Calvin for letting us borrow it =D] The Hunger Games kept me awake until 5am. I just woke up like an hour ago. I have some serious anticipation issues. I hate not knowing what happens next. I hate the feeling of being hunted, which takes place in most of the book. I hate it so much I don't even do well with hide and go seek. The anticipation!
So I read the whole thing. I'll probably regret it when I can't sleep tonight and have to go to work, but for now all I can say is, read it!
I thought it was a pretty easy read, but the story is goooooddd. It's original and the characters get at you, you have to love or hate them =P
That being said, here's the cliche reflection on last year:
2011 really sucked for a good portion of it. I encountered the worst drama over some pretty dumb over-reactions, misconceptions, and fear of confrontation/communication, that I have ever been in. But I guess when the heart is involved all sorts of crazy things can happen.
Seriously though, too many people hurt over just a few people's choices that led to no good for what felt like forever. It's getting better now though.
But this helped me to remember that my family really are my best friends. I love them and am incredibly blessed to have been born into it.
I have gotten to form some new friendships that I treasure.
I got stronger, learning how to be weak. Learning how to accept that I can't fix everything, I can't even try sometimes. It's not always my place.
As always, God has shown me things to learn from, to grow from. I am almost always surprised when He does that for some reason. It's like I go, "oh yah, I forgot you were standing there" almost every time. =P
But this year, as painful and frustrating as it has been, has room for redemption, which I love. It is my favorite thing to see something that has been torn to shreds be recreated, be resurrected, and return stronger than ever from surviving so much opposition.
And then there's Natasha.
She came to live with us in June and for some reason stuck around in our crazy family =P
She's been incredible. It's been amazing to watch God work in her life so apparently. I'm proud to call her my sister.
I look forward to 2012, what with the zombie apocalypse and all.
Kidding. But if there ever was one...golly I can't decide if I'd put up a fight or if I'd just die. Who would want to live to remember that anyhow?
But in all seriousness,
I finish my Associates Degree this year
I hopefully get to travel more
I get to be with people I love and who love me
It's not illegal - or not yet - to love my God.
I am a very lucky girl.
Happy New Year beautiful people
<3
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