So church today, pretty sweet. I honestly couldn't quote you a line from the sermon, I was thinking about something else. But once it's up in the Podcast, I'll link it and listen to it again =P
I was thinking about what this post is going to reflect on.
A lot of the songs we did in worship had something to do with "bowing down", which I always took to mean, in its most generic form, as a surrender. Which, is not wrong, but it occurred to me today that it could go a little deeper than that.
I started thinking about the physical action of bowing down. Whether you stay on your feet, or go all out knees on the ground, your head is down. So your eyes are on the floor, your back exposed, your neck vulnerable.
This is the stance of an execution.
A beheading, by axe or guillotine, take your pick.
The act of bowing is more than a metaphor for surrender, it is the most vulnerable you can be without bonds. Saying "I will bow down, to you Lord, only you, Lord" is not just saying "you win" in a meek, "I give up" sort of way. It is stating that "I make myself vulnerable to you, God. This total surrender signifies my trust in you. That I offer my life and trust you to keep it safe. That you won't shoot me in the back."
-Deadly so. [that was a bad pun]
When we bow to someone, we give up almost all of our control. Have you ever tried to stand up from a bow when someone is pressing down on you? With a lovely ox of a brother, this has happened to me many times. I bend over to pick something up, and when I go to stand, I'm stuck.With his hand on the back of my head or neck, I can't seem to get the momentum to break out from under him. Even aside from the obvious differences in our muscle mass, the "bower" is at a distinct disadvantage.
The forces of gravity and leverage give the "holder" the upper hand. When we bow down before the Lord of our hearts, we are trusting Him to be who He says he is. A kind and loving God. Not a malicious tyrant determined to keep us in submission.
I have never really been afraid to die. [Being murdered was really where my nightmares came from - the evil that goes along with murder is something so potent it makes the thought of death a very scary one.] So offering my life, my physical life was never something I felt like I struggled with. But offering my LIFE, my day to day, my dreams and visions of the future - now that is tough stuff. So that is what I lay down as an offering each time I bow to my King. That smokey, hazy existence of what could be, what I want to be. That is what I struggle submitting.
Right now, in between sentences, I am chatting with a friend from my DTS outreach in Fiji. I can't tell you how much I miss that place. The people and culture amaze me and have wooed my heart. I want so badly to go back, but for now, God has me home. And that's ok, because as I bow to him, I feel his hand on my head in a loving gesture of protection. Not one of stubborn control, forcing me into servitude.
And it is in this period of waiting and learning that I learn to dwell in God. To make His courts my home and train myself to delight in Him no matter where I am, whether I want to be there or not. For a gal with a wanderers heart, this is not an easy lesson, and one that has to be renewed and relearned. Often.
But I've decided to hold onto the promises my Sovereign King has given me.
Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I have what I need in my God. The desires of my heart are the dreams that He dreams with me, wildly and unabashedly. This Heiress is going to see the world someday.