A friend of mine posted:
"Why do people freak out that i have never had a boyfriend??? I just haven't found one who likes me back. plain and simple."
I've expressed a similar sentiment more times than I can count over the years, especially in YWAM, when I was in cultures that couldn't fathom a young gal not having a young guy by her side.
Seriously - there is SO much stress on it in many other cultures - even if it feels like it's underlined and italicized in bold here, it's worse in more traditionally centered cultures.
Not trying to knock my friend's pondering at all here, I totally get what she's saying. And yes, it can be frustrating. I know people are well meaning, they want me to find the same love and joy in a partner the way they have. Or at least I assume that's their goal here.
But there's a definite sting when it's said, because the fact is, like my darling friend points out, that there just hasn't been a guy that I've had a mutual "likeage" with. Either I like him or he likes me, but only a very few times has there been a two way street. And those panned out to be less mutual than previously stated - or assumed - or whatever.
I'm not heart broken or wounded from these, so please don't mistake this for a pity blog or even whining.
Well, maybe I am whining a little - but I don't mean to =P
Anyhow, what I really want to get at here is that in the past whenever things like that were said, or someone wanted to set me up with some guy [which, btw, I think is lame. Introduce us, yes - but as far as an actual "set up" or "date" the guy had better be man enough to ask the gal himself.] [maybe that's personal preference, but from the conversations I've had with other girls, it doesn't seem to be...]
ANYHOW - geeze I'm tangent-y tonight.
Before when people wanted to set me up with someone I'd laugh it off and change the subject.
But now, for the first time, I feel ready to actually be in a relationship. For the first time I feel like I have something to offer, like I could make the person better, and he could make me better. I feel like we would be more awesome together than on our own.
Of course I've wanted to be with guys before - I did go through hormone filled teen years. But that was hormones and insecurity. This is more...logical maybe.
This isn't all to say I've got my eye on someone or something - because I haven't.
It's mostly just what was sparked by reading my friend's post.
I am happy as I am - single - because my Lord gives me joy.
But I think I could be something more with a Godly man.
My mom [who is very much in love with my dad] said once, "I ride my own white horse!" Which I think I agree with. I don't need to be saved from anything, I'm a fighter and I like being able to take care of myself.
Any guy who thinks I'm just waiting to be protected and have all my battles fought for me has another thing coming indeed =P
But I would like a partner.
Maybe he'd be more like my sword - I hold him in a sense, but he goes before me and I'd be a way crappier knight without him.
Maybe that's a bad analogy. Whatever.
Bed time, night <3